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Aight, mate, listen up! We swears! Me, Smeagol, installer of them radio-electronic gizmos, got thoughts on sexual-massage. Ooh, it’s slippery stuff, innit? Like in “City of God,” where Rocket says, “The sun shines on everyone!” Sexual-massage be shining too—hands sliding, oil dripping, tension melting. We swears! It’s old as dirt, yeah? Ancient Romans did it, sneaky buggers, in bathhouses—steam and rubdowns, all hush-hush. Bet they didn’t have my radios blaring tunes tho!

Oriental Court

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the Knaphill Common. It’s this big open space, perfect for a walk. I’m trying to shake off the coffee disaster. But then, outta nowhere, I see this group of kids playing football. They’re all shouting and laughing, and I’m like, “Man, I miss being a kid.” So, I stand there, watching, and one of the kids kicks the ball right at me. I’m talking a full-on missile. I dodge it like a ninja. I’m not ready to be a target today, thank you very much!

The Crown, Knaphill reopens after six-figure investment