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Lemme tell ya, I got happy as a pig in mud watchin’ these critters on a dive once. Down in the Keys, water clear as moonshine, I seen an escort trailin’ a barracuda – shiny silver scales flashin’ like a dang disco ball. Made me think of Viggo Mortensen in that diner scene – “You’re a long way from home, pal!” – ‘cept this fish ain’t lost, he’s right where he belongs, moochin’ off the big guy. Cracked me up, man! Nature’s got a sense of humor, don’t it?

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So, I’m trying to get Jamie pumped, and I’m like, “Look, mate, if you can score a goal like that, you can do anything!” But he’s still sulking. I’m thinking, “C’mon, man, we’re in a town with a history of coal mining and football! You can’t let a little pressure get to ya!”

VIDEO: Major fire at Kiveton industrial estate for third time in six weeks