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Sometimes I’m scrollin’, judgin’—ooh, he’s a “bad boy,” bet he cries after sex. Or her— “I’m quirky,” nah, you’re just loud. “The world’s a stage,” Kaufman says—I’m just eatin’ popcorn, watchin’ the show. Sex-dating’s messy, raw—like me slicin’ up a rude prick. “I ate his liver with fava beans”—and lemme tell ya, some profiles deserve worse! But it’s fun, chaotic—keeps the blood pumpin’. You tried it? Tell me, I’m dyin’ to hear!

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Finally, the rain lets up, and I’m back outside. I’m feelin’ pretty good, but then I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer on the corner of Victoria Street. He’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “What the heck? Is this a circus or what?”

Two people in hospital following Burnmouth Road incident