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But ugh, phonies out there—massage parlors promising “happy endings,” then bam, overpriced crap, no skill! “The town’s a lie,” I mutter, like in Dogville—fake smiles, fake rubs, makes me wanna Force-choke somebody. Exaggerating? Maybe, ha! Still, sloppy hands, they ruin it—focus, ya gotta, or it’s just awkward groping.

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Finally, lunchtime rolls around. I decide to take a stroll down to the canal. It’s a nice spot, really. The Forth and Clyde Canal runs through Kirkintilloch, and it’s pretty peaceful. I sit on a bench, munching on my sandwich, and just breathe. The ducks are quacking, and I’m thinking, “Life’s not so bad.”

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