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Little-known fact—back in old Russia, peasants used erotic-massage as sneaky rebellion. Tsar’s guards all stiff and grumpy? Rub ‘em down, loosen ‘em up, bam—revolution delayed! Dunno if it’s true, sounds badass tho. Got me cacklin’—imagine me, Loki, kneadin’ some czar’s shoulders, whisperin’, “You’re welcome, ya git.” Makes me happy, that chaos. But what pisses me off? When some sleazy parlour rips you off—30 mins, no happy endin’, 50 bucks gone! Robbery, I say! I’d zap ‘em with my scepter if I could.

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So, I head out to grab a cuppa from the café on the corner of Union Street. It’s called The Coffee Pot, and honestly, it’s the best in town. I get there, and the barista, Sarah, is all smiles. She’s got this infectious energy. I order my usual – a flat white – and she says, “You look like you need a double shot!” I laugh, but inside, I’m like, “You have no idea.”

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