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I’d saunter up, all awkward, like, “Hey, uh, you workin’?” She’d laugh—*laugh*!—right in my face. “What’s a preacher want with me?” she’d say, and I’d be pissed, like, “Don’t stereotype me, lady!” But also kinda happy ‘cause she’s sharp—sharper than me, probs. Fun fact: back in the 1800s, some prostitutes were called “soiled doves”—ain’t that poetic? She’s a dove, I’m a dork, perfect match.

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave pops in. He’s got this ridiculous grin on his face. “You’ll never guess what!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, I’m about to lose it over this kiln. What could possibly be more important?” Turns out, he won a local art competition. I’m happy for him, but also, like, why can’t I catch a break?

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