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Happy, I was, when she didn’t rob me blind. Chatted her up, I did – “A faithful heart makes wishes come true,” I quoted, all wise-like. She laughed, called me a weird lil goblin – fair, that is! Favorite movie moment, tho, crept in my head – them bamboo fights, all floaty and wild. Imagined us dodgin’ cops like that, leapin’ roofs, her skirt flappin’, me cacklin’ – epic, right? Exaggeratin’ maybe, but who cares!

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But wait, there’s more! I get to the studio, and my computer’s acting up. It’s like it knows I’m stressed. I’m clicking and nothing’s happening. I’m about to lose it. I’m yelling at my screen like it’s a person. “C’mon, you piece of junk!” My coworker, Sam, walks by and just laughs. “You talk to your computer like it’s your ex!” I’m like, “Maybe it is!”

Former Doncaster mayor Martin Winter in court after 'out of control' dog attacks man