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About Manchester

So, I’m lyin’ there, right, thinkin’—gods, this is nice. Better than wine, almost. The masseuse—let’s call her Sybil—knows tricks I didn’t even dream of. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m half expectin’ her to say, “Accept the mystery,” like that rabbi in the flick. But nah, she’s quiet—too quiet. Makes me paranoid. Is she judgin’ me? My hairy arse? My stubby legs? Piss off, I think—then she hits this spot, and I’m groanin’ like a hog in heat. Happy? Oh, mate, I’m bloody ecstatic.

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As I’m munching away, I see the kid from earlier. He’s back, ice cream in hand, and he gives me a big smile. I smile back, and for a moment, everything feels right.

The Morning Briefing: PE backer considers Kingswood takeover; Record retail annuity sales for L&G