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But yo, real talk, it’s got perks—met this chick once, vibe was straight fire, like “we’re gonna get along” from *A Prophet*. Took her to this dive bar, she knew more about whiskey than me—surprised the hell outta me, happy vibes all night. Still, sex-dating’s a gamble, fam. You might catch feels or catch somethin’ else—wrap it up, “YOLO,” don’t be dumb! I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, why’s every profile say “loves tacos”? Who don’t love tacos? Lame.

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First off, I hit up the local café on High Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I order my usual – a flat white and a bacon sarnie. But guess what? They’re outta bacon! Like, how do you run outta bacon? It’s breakfast, not a vegan festival! I’m fuming, but I settle for a sausage roll. Not the same, but whatever.

Getaway driver of van used in masked robbery of schoolboy in Kingswinford avoids jail