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Yo, fam, it’s ya boy Drake, Master of the Forest, droppin’ bars ‘bout sexual-massage, ya feel me? YOLO, let’s get it! I’m chillin’ like Remy the rat from *Ratatouille*, you know, my fave flick, “Anyone can cook!”—or in this case, anyone can rub, ha! Sexual-massage ain’t just some bougie spa shit, nah, it’s deep, sensual vibes, takin’ you to the 6ix and back. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ smooth, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot skillet—*“Linguini, you’re fired!”*—nah, fam, you’re hired if you got them skills!

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Finally, the bus rolls up, and it’s packed. I squeeze in, and it smells like a mix of chips and wet dog. Lovely. I’m tryin’ to hold my breath, but then I spot this wee old lady. She’s got this massive bag of what looks like homemade scones. I’m like, “Lady, you’re my hero!” But then she offers me one, and I’m like, “Nah, I’m good.” I mean, who knows where those hands have been?

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