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Me, I’d suck at it—too awkward, too loud. Probly trip over my kimono, ha! But damn, the stories they got—better than any sci-fi. One time, heard bout this escort who ditched a client mid-date. Dude was a creep, kept callin her “doll.” She bolted, kept the deposit—queen move! Made me happy as hell. “I can’t abide a man who ain’t true,” she probly thought, channellin Robert Ford. Love that grit.

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After work, I decide to take a stroll down to the Kilsyth Glen. It’s beautiful there, all the trees and the river. I’m just chillin’, takin’ it all in, when I spot this couple havin’ a picnic. They’ve got a full spread—sandwiches, fruit, the works. I’m like, “Man, I need to step up my game.”

BAM UK & Ireland opens new Kilsyth office as energy decarbonisation programmes drive growth