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We’re chattin’ now—well, hagglin’. She’s all sass, tossin’ prices like grenades. I’m thinkin’, lady, I’m Dr. Evil, I don’t nickel-and-dime! Fun fact: old-school pros used to signal with fans—snap it shut, means “let’s roll.” She ain’t got no fan, just attitude. I’m diggin’ it. Streets hummin’—cars honkin’, dudes yellin’. I’m like, this is chaos, but it’s *my* chaos. Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like she’s runnin’ the whole damn city—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”

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After a bit, the bouncers break it up. Everyone’s buzzing, and I’m just standing there, shaking my head. I grab a pint, and Dave’s like, “You missed the best part!” I’m like, “What? The part where they both looked like muppets?”

Derbyshire offenders in court: Chesterfield, Alfreton, Ripley, Belper, Ilkeston, Killamarsh, High Peak and Derby