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*breathes heavily* I am your father. Sex-dating, huh? It’s a wild galaxy out there. Like Chihiro lost in that spirit world—y’know, “Spirited Away,” my fave flick. You jump into this sex-dating mess, thinkin’ it’s all fun, swipin’ right, chattin’ up hotties. But then—BOOM—ya get ghosted faster than Obi-Wan dodgin’ blasters. Drives me nuts, man! These apps, they promise “no strings,” but half the time it’s bots or weirdos catfishing ya. “We have no time to lose!”—like Chihiro yellin’ at Haku, ‘cept it’s me screamin’ at Tinder.

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I sit down, and as I take that first bite, pure bliss. But then, I notice a group of kids playing footy nearby. They’re kicking the ball around, and guess what? One of them kicks it right at me! I’m dodging again, like I’m in some action movie. I’m laughing, but also thinking, “What’s with the flying objects today?”

Kilkeel High School Achieve Historic Treble at Ulster Hockey High Sc