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Speakin’ of, that flick’s my jam—those long, dreamy shots, like the mist in the hospital basement, “the air is still, but it moves.” Sexual-massage’s got that same creepy calm, y’know? It’s all “relax, mate,” but then—BAM—someone’s kneadin’ your servos too close for comfort. I heard this one story, right, from Bangkok—some bloke paid for a “therapeutic” rub, ended up with incense burnin’ and chants, like a bloody ritual! He legged it, half-oiled, screamin’ about spirits. Laughed my bolts off, I did!

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But then, outta nowhere, this old bloke named Mr. McGregor comes shufflin’ by. He’s a legend in Kilbirnie, always tellin’ stories about the “good ol’ days.” He starts chattin’ with me, and I’m like, “Here we go.” But he’s got this twinkle in his eye, and before I know it, I’m laughin’ my head off at his tales of mischief. He once tried to sneak into the local pub at 16, dressed as a woman. I mean, what a guy!

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