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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout escort, right? Picture this—me, the Gardener, sittin there ponderin life like some bloody philosopher, and bam, escort pops in me head! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the fields, against the dreary dullness of life, and escort’s like that river spirit from *Spirited Away*, yeah? All mysterious, flowin free, but sometimes choked with muck!

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So, I’m walkin’ down the street, mindin’ my own business, when I spot this wee kid, maybe 8 or 9, tryin’ to ride his bike. But the poor lad’s got training wheels that look like they’ve seen better days. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, mate, you can do it!” But then, bam! He crashes right into a lamppost. I nearly lost it laughin’. The kid just sits there, stunned, and I’m like, “You alright, champ?” He gets up, brushes himself off, and says, “I meant to do that.” Classic!

PICTURES:: All the fun from the St Bridget's Summer fayre in Kilbirnie last week