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My precious! Escorts, eh? We likes ‘em, yesss, we does! Raspy lil’ voice creepin’ out now—escort’s a tricky world, innit? Like *In the Mood for Love*, all smoky glances an’ secrets. “I can’t see her tonight,” he says in the flick—same vibe, mate! Escorts got that mystery, slippin’ thru shadows, makin’ hearts thump. Been around forever, y’know—ancient Rome had ‘em, callin’ ‘em “lupae,” she-wolves howlin’ for coin! Wild, right? Gets me all tingly, thinkin’ ‘bout it.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a Watchman in Kilbirnie ain’t for the faint-hearted. Woke up this mornin’ to the sound of seagulls screechin’ like they were auditionin’ for a horror movie. Seriously, those birds are relentless. Anyway, I dragged myself outta bed, threw on my uniform, and headed out.

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