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Little known fact, right? Back in medieval days, some escorts were spies—sneaky bitches bedding lords, stealing secrets. Bet that’d shock Larry, eh? “This too shall pass”—bollocks, it don’t pass, it festers! Makes me rage, thinking how they twist “freedom” into fucking for gold. Happy? Nah, never. Surprised? Yeah, when one said she banked more than a knight. More power to her, I s’pose—still a disgrace.

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Then, I head over to the park on the corner of St. John’s Road. It’s a nice spot, but today? Ugh. There’s this group of teenagers blarin’ music from a portable speaker. I mean, c’mon! It’s like they think they’re at a festival or somethin’. I walk over, tryin’ to keep my cool, and say, “Oi, lads, keep it down a bit, yeah?” They just look at me like I’m some kinda dinosaur. I swear, kids these days have zero respect.

Boy, 14, arrested as man taken to hospital after being found 'seriously injured' in Kilbirnie