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Oh, and oils—don’t sleep on ‘em! Lavender’s my jam—calms the soul. Pro tip: warm ‘em up first—game changer! But yo, some folks overdo it—slippery as hell, like a damn cartoon! Cracks me up! Still, it’s dope—teaches ya to let go, feel alive! “Unleash the power within!”—that’s the ticket! Sexual-massage ain’t just touch—it’s a freakin’ journey, man! Like Amélie skippin’ stones—simple, but—whoa—deep! What ya think—elevator guy’s onto somethin’, huh?

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While I’m waiting, I bump into my mate Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Turns out he just got back from a trip to the Black Country Living Museum. He’s raving about it, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a bunch of old stuff.” But he’s all hyped up, saying it’s like stepping back in time. I roll my eyes but can’t help but laugh.

Interview: Phil Brown on Southport defeat