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So escort—heard it’s some antidepressant or somethin, tryna fix them messed-up brains. Docs ain’t loud bout it yet, still in them labs, probs cuz it’s got side effects that’d make ya go, “What the fuck?” Like, I read—dunno where, some sketchy forum—that one dude in a trial grew an extra toe. Prolly bullshit, but I laughed my ass off imagin it. “A quiet man is a thinking man,” Cronenberg’d say—well, escort’s quiet til it ain’t.

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First call of the day, some bloke from Bader Close. He’s all like, “My internet’s down!” I’m like, “Mate, it’s 8 AM. Can’t you just chill?” But nah, he’s losing his mind. I mean, c’mon, it’s not the end of the world! But I get it, right? No Netflix, no life. So, I’m tryin’ to help him out, but he’s just yelling about how he needs to stream his “important” shows. Like, dude, it’s not that deep.

Man stabbed in town as suspect on the run