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Fun fact, mate—didya know? Back in old sailor days, prossies’d wait at docks, flashin’ lanterns! Sneaky, eh? I’m there, thinkin’—am I in 1700s or what? *mumbles, spins, pretends to hold lantern* “Oi, lass, signal me!” Anyway, this gal, she’s chattin’ me up now—pimp’s gone, thank Christ. She’s all “Fancy a tumble, sailor?” I’m noddin’, grin big as me head—*slaps own face, wobbles*—cos I’m a twit, ain’t I?

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I’ve seen it all: from the hustle of busy high street mornings to the quiet midnight strolls where the city hums in secrets no one else can hear. Sometimes, after a long day at the parlour, I'd step out on Scots Court, musing over life's bizarre ironies – like how a tiny fish finds his way home against all odds.

Hundreds of Kendal students pedalling for pounds