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Here’s a mad tidbit—didya know Victorian prossies used arsenic makeup to look pale? Killed ‘em slow, but they glowed! This bird ain’t doin’ that, thank Christ, but she’s got guts. I’m thinkin’, “She’s a star, man, shinin’ in the gutter.” Like in the movie—“It’s all happening!”—and it bloody is! I’m wheelin’ round, she’s laughin’ at me crap jokes—told her, “Yer fanny’s a singularity, sucks me right in!” She cackles, says, “You’re a nutter, prof!”

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Finally, I grab some fish and chips from a takeaway on Bridge Street. Best decision ever. I’m sitting by the river, munching away, and I can’t help but smile. This day was a rollercoaster. From coffee to sheepdogs to horse races, Kelso really knows how to keep it interesting.

Kelso Replay | 29th December 2024 12:18