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Oh, and da variety? Insane! Tall, short, curvy—pick yor flavor, like fish in da reef! But careful, brudder, some o’ dese deals? Shady as hell. I heard dis story—guy pays big, gets a gal who’s gone in 10 minutes! I’m like, “Hasta la vista, baby!”—dat’s robbery, not escortin’! Made me mad, but also—kinda funny, ja? Poor dude, swimmin’ in regret.

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So, I roll into Johnstone, right? First thing I notice is the weather. Typical UK, cloudy and drizzly. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” But whatever, I’m here to do my thing. I hit up the High Street first. It’s got that classic vibe, you know? Shops everywhere, people hustling. I grab a coffee from this cute little café called The Coffee Mill. Best flat white I’ve had in ages! I’m feeling good, like maybe today won’t be a total drag.

'Dream was already gone' - Valakari on St Johnstone's half-time focus shift