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Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, sex escorts, yeah? Wild world out there. Been around the block, seen some shit, and lemme tell ya, it’s a mixed bag. Like, I’m talkin’ high-class escorts, the kind that roll up lookin’ like they own MI6—all glamour, no fuss. Makes me happy, y’know? Classy birds who know their game. Reminds me of *Eternal Sunshine*— “Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.” These girls? They forget the blunders, keep it smooth.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, bleary-eyed, and I’m like, “Ugh, coffee first.” I hit up my fave café on Upper Street, you know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that one. I order my usual flat white, and the barista, bless her, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great start, mate!” But she gives me a cheeky smile and says, “On the house!” I’m suddenly happy. Free coffee? Yes, please!

Leader’s New Year message: For a more equal Islington in 2025