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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Finally, the meeting wraps up, and I bolt outta there. I need fresh air. I stroll down to Camden Passage, and it’s buzzing. Vintage shops everywhere! I pop into one and find this ridiculous hat. It’s bright yellow with a giant feather. I put it on, and the shopkeeper laughs. “You look like a right muppet!” I’m like, “Exactly! That’s the point!” I buy it, obviously.

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