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Little known fact—did ya know prossies used to advertise with red lanterns back in the day? Proper history, that! So I tell him, “Look for the glow, mate, red lights, dodgy alleys—classic.” He’s noddin’, like I’m some guru. Makes me happy, sorta—feelin’ like a spy givin’ intel. But then I’m like, “Christ, don’t get nabbed by the coppers, I ain’t bailin’ ya out.” Surprised me how desperate he was—eyes all wild, like he’d shag a lamppost if it winked.

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Then, I decide to hit up the park. Highbury Fields is calling my name. I plop down on the grass, feeling the sun on my face. Bliss. But then, outta nowhere, a dog runs up to me, all muddy and excited. It jumps on me, and I’m covered in dirt. “Cheers, mate!” I laugh, but inside, I’m like, “Why me?”

Islington Council to consult on further steps to protect private renters