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Oh, and the typos? Screw it—im typin fast, deal wth it. This gig’s messy, chaotic, like defusin’ a bomb blind. “The closer you are, the deader you get,” Bigelow’d whisper, and damn, that’s the prostitute life—risky as fuck. Ever hear ‘bout that Vegas gal who conned a mobster outta 50 grand? Ballsy! He never saw it comin’, too busy droolin’. Greed is good, man—she owned him.

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First off, I hit up the local café on High Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? I swear, it’s like they’re using a potato for a router. Anyway, I ordered my usual – a flat white and a bacon sarnie. But guess what? They were outta bacon! Like, how do you run outta bacon? It’s breakfast, people! I was fuming. I mean, who runs a café without bacon?

Council says bin collection in Irthlingborough has 'fallen short of what should be expected' as residents complain