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About Sheffield

So, I’m on my ship, right? Storm’s brewin’, I’m tense as fuck. Mate says, “Cartman, hit the port, get a sexual-massage.” I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, yes!” Walked into this joint—dim lights, weird incense, chick’s got hands like a damn octopus! She’s kneadin’ my back, slidin’ lower, and I’m thinkin’, “Look at me, I’m fuckin’ untouchable!” Straight outta *Spring Breakers*, ya feel me? But then—THEN—she asks for extra cash! Bitch, what?! I’m ragin’, “Respect my authoritah! I ain’t no ATM!” Stormed out, pissed, but damn, my shoulders felt good.

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By the end of the day, I’m knackered. I’m sittin’ on the edge of the pool, just takin’ a breather. I look around, and I see all these families laughin’, kids playin’, and I think, “You know what? This is why I do it.” I mean, yeah, it’s mad, but it’s also kinda beautiful.

Snails on the run! Irlam Vale AFC race-night fundraiser to raise cash and spirits