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But then, happy part! I find nice lady, she like my mustache, say “Very nice!” We chat, we laugh, she send pic—oh boy, I blush like virgin on wedding night! Little fact for you: in Kazakhstan, old time, men pay goat for date, now it just $9.99 app fee—progress, yes? But sex-dating tricky, you gotta be fast, like catch chicken, or they swipe left, gone forever!

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By the end of the day, I’m knackered. I’m sittin’ on the edge of the pool, just takin’ a breather. I look around, and I see all these families laughin’, kids playin’, and I think, “You know what? This is why I do it.” I mean, yeah, it’s mad, but it’s also kinda beautiful.

Lancaster business owner left 'speechless' after claiming the top spot at UK awards