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So, I’m thinkin’—D’oh!—escorts probs deal with some wild stuff. Like, back in the 1800s, they had these “escort ladies” for rich dudes at balls, but half the time they were spies! Ain’t that nuts? Bet they’d whisper, “I don’t know what I hit,” like Lucrecia in the movie, all confused after bonkin’ somethin’. Makes me laugh, picturin’ em trippin’ over gowns, spillin’ secrets—ha!

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First off, I’m a Makhaut, which is basically a fancy way of saying I’m a storyteller. I roam the streets, soaking up the vibes, and today, the vibes were all over the place. I hit up Market Place first. You know, the heart of Inverurie? It’s got that old-school charm, but today it was buzzing. I grab a coffee from the wee café on the corner. Best flat white ever, I swear. But then, bam! My phone buzzes.

Crichie masterplan for hundreds of new Inverurie homes APPROVED despite fears over GP shortage