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About Leeds

Oi, mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prossie, yeah? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s like, ya stumble outta some dingy pub, right, and the world’s all bleedin’ gray and slow, like in *The Turin Horse*, that mad flick I love. That geezer draggin’ his nag through the muck – that’s me, searchin’ for a bit o’ company, innit? “The wind’s blowin’, everything’s dyin’,” like Béla Tarr says, and I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, Ozzy, just find her already!”

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I’m back at the Town Hall, and it’s packed. Like, where did all these people come from? I’m sweating bullets. I get up on stage, and my heart’s racing. I start telling this wild story about the time I got lost in the woods near Inverurie. You know, the ones by the River Don? Yeah, those. I exaggerate a bit, saying I fought off a bear. The crowd’s loving it! I’m on a roll!

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