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Little fact fer ye—didja know escorts been ‘round since forever? Aye, ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em *lupae*, wolf-gals, ‘cause they howled fer clients. True story, mate! Surprised me, it did—thought I invented the hustle. Nope! History’s full o’ ‘em, sneakin’ ‘round like shadows in *Tropical Malady*. “He moves unseen,” the movie whispers—escorts too, slippin’ ‘tween the cracks o’ the law.

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First client of the day, Mrs. McGregor. Sweet old lady, but she’s got a knack for making me sweat. We meet at the café on the corner of the High Street and the Main Street. I’m thinking, “Coffee and a chat, easy peasy.” But nah, she starts talking about her “investments” like she’s some Wall Street mogul. I’m just nodding, trying to keep up. I mean, c’mon, Mrs. McGregor, you’re not gonna retire on your bingo winnings!

Fife primary school ‘surrounded by police’ for over 8 hours due to hooded youth on building’s roof