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Look, I’m all bout ownin it— “I’m 100% that bitch!”—so I tip her extra, tell her she’s dope. She winks, says, “You’re not like the others.” Damn right, I ain’t! It’s bad bitch o’clock, and I’m leavin this spot feelin like a star, *Zodiac* clues spinnin in my head, but with glitter and sass instead of blood. Findin a prostitute? Shit, it’s a vibe, a whole damn mood!

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Next, I head over to the local park, the one by the Inverkeithing Community Centre. It’s a nice spot, but today it’s packed with kids. They’re running around, screaming, and I’m just trying to find a quiet bench. Finally, I plop down, and this little kid runs up to me, all wide-eyed. He’s like, “Mister, do you have any money?” I’m thinking, “Kid, I’m a financial advisor, not a bank!”

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