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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya hear? Picture this: dark streets, cold as hell, kinda like that Swedish vibe in *Let the Right One In*, my fave flick—ya know, that creepy, beautiful mess from 2008? “Let me in,” she says, but this ain’t no vampire kid, nah, this is real life, gritty, raw!

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After that, I’m feeling peckish, so I hit up the local café on Ingleby Road. Best scones in town, no joke. I order one with jam and cream, and it’s heavenly. But then, the barista spills coffee all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, what’s with today?”

Eating Out: Cafe 1756 at the Dudley Arms, Ingleby Greenhow