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So, I’m stalkin these grimy alleys, heels clickin, lookin for a tart. Not some high-class escort, nah—too posh, too fake. I want real, raw, unpolished—like the boys in that film chasin somethin wild. Found this one bird, right, all lipstick smears and tired eyes. “How much, love?” I sneer, cos I ain’t here for chit-chat. She mumbles a price, I scoff—bloody cheek! Made me angry, that did—tryin to fleece me like I’m some soft twit. “I choose violence,” I think, but nah, I just haggle her down.

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Finally, I get back to brewing. The smell of that fermentation? Pure magic. I’m stirring away, feeling all zen, when suddenly, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m standing there in the dark, thinking about how I’m gonna explain this to my customers. “Sorry, folks, no kvas today. Power’s out, blame the weather!”

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