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Now, check this—me fave flick’s *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*, yeah? Deep shit, fam! That line, “Ghosts ain’t just in da jungle, they’s in ya head,” proper fits sex-dating. You’re chattin’ some fit bird or bloke online, but half da time, they ghost ya—poof, gone! Like, is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, it’s cos they’s playin’ games, innit. Makes me vexed, bruv, proper fumin’ when they flake after talkin’ dirty all night.

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First thing, I hit up East Street. Gotta grab my morning fix. The café’s packed, as usual. I’m standin’ there, waitin’ for my coffee, and this bloke in front of me spills his tea all over the counter. Classic! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost drop my phone. Like, mate, how do you even manage that?

Police called after series of Ilminster incidents including vandalised defibrillator