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So, I’m into *Caché*, that Haneke flick—y’know, 2005, all tense and paranoid. Sexual-massage fits right in! There’s this vibe, like, “Who’s watching us?” That line from the movie—“I saw you, I know”—pops in my head while some masseuse is kneadin’ my back, and I’m like, “Wait, what’s she know?!” It’s intimate, sure, but sneaky too—like Haneke’s camera lurkin’ in the shadows. I’d be lyin’ there, half relaxed, half yellin’ in my brain, “This is too much! Too close!” Pretty, pretty good, but also—too good, y’know?

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As the sun dips below the horizon, I’m walking back home, feeling all sorts of emotions. Ilkeston’s got this vibe, y’know? It’s quirky, it’s real, and it’s full of surprises. I’m thinking about how I’ll write all this down. Maybe I’ll call it “A Day in Ilkeston: Rain, Pints, and Unexpected Friends.”

Ilkeston: Work to start on new £450k sports pitch