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Alright, listen up, jabroni! I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” Sex-dating? Man, it’s wild out there! Like “Wolf of Wall Street” wild. You got folks swipin’ left, right, tryna score. It’s a freakin’ jungle, I tell ya! Apps like Tinder, Bumble – pure chaos. People sellin’ themselves like Jordan Belfort sellin’ stocks. “I’m not fuckin’ leaving!” – that’s their vibe. Hella thirsty dudes, chicks posin’ half-naked. It’s a game, bro, straight up.

So you want to book a sex worker?

Active. Correspondence address: Aspen Cottage, Hythe Road, Marchwood, Southampton, England, SO40 4WU. Notified on: 10 November Date of birth: October

After that, we hop in the car. I’m tryin’ to keep it together, but she’s so nervous. I’m like, “Just breathe, Lucy! It’s just you, me, and the open road.” But she’s gripping the wheel like it’s a life raft. We pull out onto the main road, and she’s doing okay until we hit the roundabout at the bottom of Stade Street.

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