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S’pose it’s the thrill tho – forbidden, slippery fun. Ever hear bout them ancient Romans? Orgies and oil massages, all mixed up – wild bastards! Surprised me, that did. Me split self’s hissin’ – one half’s like, “Yesss, touch me!” other’s all, “Nasty, filthy, nooo!” Like Tom’s wife screamin’, “What the hell’s wrong with you?” – but she’s into it later, ha! Me too, precious, me too.

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Then, I see this old lady struggling with her shopping bags. I’m like, “Alright, time to be a hero.” I rush over, and she’s all, “Oh bless you, dear!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, I’m basically a saint now.” But then she starts telling me about her cat, Mr. Whiskers, and how he’s got a thing for tuna. I’m standing there, nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I’ve got places to be!”

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