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I’m, like, shooketh—did u know some escorts in Russia legit had “tariff codes” back in the day? Like, Soviet bureaucrats were all, “Hmm, upscale hooker, category 5 pay grade!” Wild, right? Imagine clocking in, “Yup, escorted that oligarch, cha-ching!” Makes me giggle, but also—ew, so clinical.

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After that, I thought I’d check out the local park, Hurstpierpoint Park. It’s got this massive oak tree that’s like, ancient. I sat under it for a bit, just thinking. You ever have those moments where you feel all philosophical? Yeah, that was me. But then, I saw a kid climbin’ the tree. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna fall!” But he just laughed and kept going. Kids these days, right?

Residents evacuated from homes after huge fire breaks out at Hurstpierpoint car workshop