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Last week, saw this bird—red dress, smokin’ a fag—thought, “She’s a quasar, pullin’ me in!” Asked her rate, she smirked—£50, quick job. Bargained like a nutter, got it to £40—felt like I cracked gravity! But then—anger hit—bloke nearby yelled at her, “You’re filth!” Made me mad, mate—who’s he to judge? “They’re all hypocrites,” like Grace said, hidin’ their own dirt. Hypocrisy’s denser than a neutron star, swear it.

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I get home, and I’m just buzzing. I flop onto my couch, still grinning like a fool. What a day! I can’t wait to do it all again. Hoylake, you’re a gem!

Conservation areas covering West Kirby and Hoylake extended with new management plans