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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, lemme tell ya bout findin a prozzie—shit’s wild, man! Been thinkin bout this since I rewatched *The Social Network*, ya know, that slick Fincher flick—my fave! “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin a few enemies,” right? Well, same deal here—ya don’t find a hooker without dodgin some sketchy vibes.

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First stop, I’m off to Denne Road. Got a call about a tree that’s lookin’ like it’s about to take a dive. I roll up, and there it is, this massive oak, roots all exposed like it’s tryin’ to do a handstand. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I start assessing it, and outta nowhere, this old bloke comes up. He’s all, “Oi! You can’t chop that tree down!” I’m like, “Mate, I’m not here to chop it down. Just makin’ sure it doesn’t fall on your head!”

Horsham 1 Wingate & Finchley 2 – Match Report