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But this dude? He ain’t got no game! I’m pourin’ him a whiskey, thinkin’ bout my favorite flick, *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly*. You know, “I am fading,” that line hits me hard. Life’s short, y’all! This fool out here chasin’ tail when he could be chasin’ dreams! I tell him, “Baby, you ain’t gotta pay for love—get you a hobby!” He looks at me all confused, and I’m like, “What, you deaf? Halleluyer, I’m tryna save you!”

Brothels in Haywards Heath and Horsham closed down

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Finally, I manage to get him down. His mum comes runnin’, all panicked. I’m like, “Chill, he’s fine. Just a little tree hugger.” But she’s not havin’ it. She’s all, “You should be watchin’ him!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m an arborist, not a babysitter!”

Public shock and sadness as Horsham pub landlord announces he is to quit