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Oh, an’ get this—heard a story, true shiz. Some guy, sex-dating pro, banged 50 gals in a month. Bragged on X, posted pics—crazy! Me jaw dropped, “We needs that power!” But then, ew—dude got an STI. Karma, ya nasty bitch! Laughed my ass off, then shivered—safe sex, folks, fr real.

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But then, just as I’m about to close up, I get a call from my cousin. He’s in a bit of a pickle. “Mate, I need a favor!” he says. Turns out he’s locked himself outta his flat on Hornsey High Street. I’m like, “You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me!” But family’s family, right? So I grab my keys and head over.

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