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So, escorts, huh? Dey’re like bodyguards of fun, but witout da guns—well, most times, haha! I knew dis one guy, back in Vienna, swore his escort was a secret agent, like she’d whisper, “I know what you’re thinkin’,” straight outta da movie! Made me laugh, den got me mad—why ain’t my escorts dat cool? I mean, dese folks, dey hustle, dey charm, dey make ya feel like a king—or a queen, ya! Little known fact: back in da day, escorts in Europe, dey’d carry coded letters for nobles, sneaky stuff, like in “Lives of Others,” ja? History’s wild, man!

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm didn’t go off. I’m sprinting down the street, dodging tourists like I’m in some kinda video game. Holborn’s packed, man! You got the British Museum just a stone’s throw away, and I’m like, “Can’t you all just move?”

Matt Holborn Music: Matt Holborn at the Edinburgh Fringe