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But yo, some places fuck it up—piss me off big time! Cheap-ass oil, stinkin’ like gasoline—makes me wanna grab my M16 and go, “Say hello to my little friend!” Ruins the vibe, man! I’m all about that high-class joint—dim lights, soft tunes, chick who knows her shit. One time, this broad—fuckin’ goddess—worked me so good, I swear I saw stars. Thought I was Hans Landa, negotiatin’ my damn soul! “That’s a bingo!” I yelled—couldn’t help it, felt too damn good.

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Then, I get a call from a client. It’s Mrs. Thompson herself. She’s freaking out about her denture. I’m like, “Lady, it’s just a denture!” But she’s acting like it’s the end of the world. I mean, come on! It’s not like we’re in a zombie apocalypse.

Driver 'seriously injured' and home damaged after roadsweeper crash in south Essex