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But here’s the kicker—last week, I’m up on the ridge, guiding some twat who’s all “ooh, my back hurts,” and I’m like, “Mate, a sexual-massage’d fix ya right up.” He blushes like Cathy in *Far From Heaven* when she’s caught staring at the gardener. “What’s past is past,” she says—bollocks to that! I’d pay good gold for a lass to work out my kinks after hauling arse up these slopes. Hands diggin’ in, all sensual-like—fuck, I’m knackered just dreaming it.

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But then, just as we’re vibing, this random guy walks by and starts giving us grief. He’s all like, “You can’t paint here!” I’m thinking, “Chill, mate! It’s art!” But he’s not having it. So, we just laugh it off. Hitchin’s got its characters, that’s for sure.

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