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But lord, I got mad once—some fella tried chargin’ me $200 for a “sensual rubdown,” and I said, “Boy, I ain’t made of gold!” Took my beehive hairdo and stormed out—prob’ly looked like a hot mess, ha! Still, when it’s done right, sexual-massage is pure bliss. Oils, candles, soft music—shoot, I’d melt faster than butter on a biscuit. Reminds me of Gigolo Joe in *A.I.*, struttin’ ‘round sayin’, “I know what makes you tick!” That’s the trick—knowin’ the spots!

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After that, I’m feeling a bit better, so I head over to the Highams Park train station. I’m thinking, “Let’s get back to work.” But of course, the trains are delayed. Typical! I’m standing there, scrolling through my phone, and I see a post about the new shops opening on The Broadway. I’m like, “Ooh, I gotta check that out!” But first, I need to get home.

Free water refills now available at Highams Park and Chingford Station