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Me, I’m quirky—thinkin’ in my head, “Would Darren Aronofsky film this shit?” Probly, with some trippy camera angles and a junkie twist. Sexual-massage could be art, ya know? Hands slippin’, tension buildin’, then—wham—“We got a winner!” like in the movie. But nah, most places just want ya money, not ya soul. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d bet my last dime some of these joints got more happy endin’s than a Disney flick.

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So, I get to my little shop on Main Street, right? It’s cozy, filled with leather and the smell of polish. I’m settin’ up, and in walks this fella. Looks like he’s just run a marathon. Turns out, he’s got a hole in his favorite trainers. I mean, come on, mate! You can’t be runnin’ around in shoes like that. But hey, I’m a nice guy, so I fix ‘em up. He’s all grateful, and I’m thinkin’, “Sweet, maybe today won’t be so bad.”

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