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I reckon it’s like what Royal Tenenbaum said, “I’m not talkin’ about dance lessons,” nah, this ain’t no kiddie shit – it’s proper adult unwindin’. Ya lie there, some bird or bloke’s rubbin’ ya down, and it’s like the universe alignin’. Fun fact, yeah? Back in ancient China, they called it “anmo” – pressin’ and rubbin’ for health, but ya know some cheeky bugger twisted it into sexy times. Bet they were like, “Oi, this feels too good to be just medicine!”

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up the local chippy on Green Lane. Best fish and chips in town, no contest. I order the usual – cod and chips, extra salt. I’m waiting, and this kid in front of me drops his sausage roll. I’m like, “Dude, that’s tragic.” But then, he just picks it up and eats it! I’m gagging, but hey, no judgment, right?

Malcolm Heywood Obituary (2025) - Buxton, Derbyshire - Buxton Advertiser