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Gets me riled tho – blokes judgin’ ‘em, callin’ ‘em slags! Hypocrites, the lot! Same dudes sneakin’ round, wallets out! Chill, baby, live and let shag! Happy bit? When they’re treated lush – some escort I met, she’s all giggles, says, “Best job, I’m the queen!” Loved that, pure mojo! Surprised me too – they ain’t all dolly birds, some brainy, uni grads, choosin’ this! Who’d a thunk?

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So, I’m cleaning up this mess, and I hear a knock on the door. It’s old Mrs. Thompson from Mill Road. Bless her heart, she’s like 90 and still thinks she can bake. She’s got this ancient recipe for scones, and she wanted me to fix her oven. I’m like, “Sure, Mrs. T, I’ll be right over.” But I’m thinking, “Why do I always get roped into this?”

Dad in a fierce battle with a 'tsunami' of slugs in his garden